Overheard at the Bar Last Tuesday Night

“If I was in a room with you, Hitler, and Osama bin Laden, and had a gun with two bullets, I’d shoot you twice.”

two bullets

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La Nouvelle Stuff

Late last night I went to my record shelves and pulled out the third of the Blue Note Decade of Jazz double albums – the one covering 1959 to 1969 – that I got as a review copy way back in the days of the comet Kohoutek. I discovered Blue Note in the mid-1960s, so the record – which includes classic compositions like Horace Silver’s Song For My Father and Lee Morgan’s The Sidewinder – is a special favorite of mine,.

Something must be in the air, for not 12 hours later, thanks to madamjujujive at Everlasting Blort, I learned about The 1959 Project, which started on January 1st. It’s a daily look at the way jazz was, 60 years ago, one that’s (in the words of its creator Natalie Weiner) “trying to illuminate the communities and scenes around jazz history’s iconic figures and recordings.” Including, of course, Blue Note artists of the time.

My favorite thing I’ve found so far at the site is a quote from pianist Bobby Timmons, describing the time he was appearing with Art Blakey’s Jazz Messengers at the Cafe Bohemia and Thelonius Monk came to the club to tell him, in a way he knew “wasn’t a compliment,” that he played “too perfect.”

Timmons took this to heart. “The next night I came in and played like a man taking leave of his senses,” he says, “trying to get away from the well-worn patterns I’d fashioned for myself…” As Monk had explained further, “You’ve got to make mistakes to discover the new stuff.”

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Was Jesus Insane? (Lord Aberdeen Might Know.)

I found a copy recently of a (somewhat) bizarre book I’ve been trying to track down: Bizarre Books, by Russell Ash and Brian Lake (the revised edition, 1998). It probably would be more accurate to call the work Bizarre Titles; it’s a listing of actual books the two men own, have seen, or have come across as a catalogue entry. Some are legendary to those of us who follow publishing, like I Was Hitler’s Maid and How to Abandon Ship. I thought I even had read one of those mentioned, God Drives a Flying Saucer (R. L. Dione, 1973), but I checked, and it turns out I read The Bible and Flying Saucers (Barry H. Downing, 1968).

A few of the book titles included ask important questions:
Cancer: Is the Dog the Cause?
The English. Are They Human?
Was Jesus Insane?
(from 1891)

Some seem humorous only because of how the titles are phrased:
Collect Fungi on Stamps
Ice Cream for Small Plants
The Abuse of Elderly People: A Handbook for Professionals
Warfare in the Enemy’s Rear

Some of the best titles are instructional:
Fresh Air and How to Use It
Hand Grenade Throwing as a College Sport
(from 1918)
How to Be Happy Though Married
How to Pick Up Women in Discos
(from 1981)
Let’s Make Some Undies
Levitation for Terrestrials
Swine Judging for Beginners
Teach Yourself Alcoholism
The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book
The Toothbrush: its Use and Abuse
What To Say When You Talk to Yourself

Others come from the natural world:
An Annotated Bibliography of Evaporation
The Amateurs’ Guide to the Study of the Genitals of Lepidoptera
The Giant Cabbage of the Channel Islands
Who’s Who in Cocker Spaniels

Some – including one book titled Not Worth Reading – definitely seem, well, not worth reading:
1587: A Year of No Importance
A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coating
Jokes Cracked by Lord Aberdeen
Life and Laughter ’midst the Cannibals
Songs of a Chartered Accountant
The Romance of Holes in Bread

The cream of Ash and Lake’s crop, of course, truly do seem bizarre:
Correct Mispronunciations of Some South Carolina Names
Fish Who Answer the Telephone
New Guinea Tapeworms and Jewish Grandmothers
Nutmeg Cultivation and the Sex-problem
Public Performances of the Dead
So Your Wife Came Home Speaking in Tongues! So Did Mine!
Umbrellas and Parts of Umbrellas (Except Handles)

and who among us hasn’t been looking to learn more about
Wall-Paintings by Snake Charmers in Tanganyika.

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“The Idiot in Question”

I came across a slim book from 2007 in the Bangor library the other day, The Beatles’ Second Album, by Dave Marsh, and read it pretty quickly. It tells the story of, well, the Beatles’ second album – in America that is, because as you might remember, the British and American versions of those records were quite different.

An interesting part of the book explains the reasons – mostly financial – just why that was. In England you needed 14 songs for a record, and they never included the hit singles, while in America you had to include the hits, plus you only needed 11 songs. The first seven Beatles albums in England therefore turned into the first 10 Beatles albums in the U.S., each additional one being worth – thanks to the popularity of the group – an extra quarter- to a half-million dollars (in 1960s dollars) to Capitol Records.

The most interesting part of the book, chapter 7, “The Man Who Hated the Beatles,” describes Dave Dexter Jr., the man picked by the record company to pick which songs, in which order, went on the American Beatles LPs. As it turns out, Dexter (1915–1990) not only was around 50 at the time, he was a fan of big band jazz from before WW II, and hated rock and roll (not to mention teenagers in general). He also had an aversion to the harmonica being used in pop music, one reason he bad-mouthed the Beatles from the time he heard the opening bars of their first hit “Love Me Do.”

As Marsh says, “Dave Dexter Jr. passed on the Beatles at least three separate times, rejecting ‘Love Me Do,’ ‘Please, Please Me,’ and ‘She Loves You’ as having no potential to become hit singles in the United States.” That’s why the earliest Beatles records in the U.S. appeared on obscure labels like Vee-Jay and Swan, because Dexter – “the idiot in question,” Marsh calls him – refused to deal with them. It wasn’t until his bosses at EMI gave him an ultimatum that the Beatles ended up on Capitol Records, and ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand’ became a giant hit… whereupon Dexter took a lot of the credit for their success.

Among to his Wikipedia page, other groups Dexter said would never make it in America included The Hollies, Billy J. Kramer and the Dakotas, Manfred Mann, Gerry and the Pacemakers, The Animals, The Yardbirds, Herman’s Hermits, and The Dave Clark Five. Marsh adds, “The British act he boasted about signing is Freddie and the Dreamers. (I did not make this up.)”

It’s pretty incredible to learn that the records we listened to so avidly back in those days were put together in such a sloppy manner by a guy who apparently hated the job, and who, incidentally, also changed the sound mixes George Martin had worked on so carefully, across the Atlantic. And they still became wildly successful. “Only the fact that the conceptual integrity of the material on Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was its main selling point (and Brian Epstein’s finally negotiating a better recording contract for the band) stopped Capitol from continuing the practice of putting together hodgepodge LPs,” Marsh writes.

By that point, The Beatles had gotten so fed up that they tried releasing their 9th Capitol album, ‘Yesterday’… and Today, with Robert Whitaker’s famous cover photo showing the group “dressed as butchers, surrounded by raw meat and dismembered baby dolls.” At the time, they claimed this was an allusion to the violence of the Vietnam War, and, as Marsh notes, “didn’t have a thing to do with sending a message to Capitol about their hatred of the company’s practice of chopping up their records.”

Maybe Dave Dexter – the man who in Marsh’s words “loathed rock ‘n’ roll beyond reason,” and who in his own writing “comes across as a nasty, vindictive son of a bitch” – knew better.

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He Could Be Your Twin Brother

Standing in the aisle next to the baked beans in the grocery store this afternoon, I heard an older woman calling, “Brian! Brian!” Then turned and found she was talking to me.

“I don’t think so,” I said as she wheeled her cart over my way. “Oh,” she said, realizing her mistake as she got close. “You’re not Brian.” Then, feeling a need to explain, she said, “He worked on the eaves of our house, did good work, too, but you’re not him. Though you really do look just like Brian.”

“He must be a good-looking fellow,” I said, smiling, obviously trying to make light of her confusion, to which she simply said, “No,” and walked away.

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Jack Kerouac, Still Dead

I told Colin I’d had an interesting time visiting Jack Kerouac’s grave, and he – Colin – said he’d been born in Connecticut on October 26, 1969, one week to the day after Kerouac died in St. Petersburg, Florida.

“For awhile,” he told me, “I had it in my head that maybe Kerouac’s soul had lingered around on the earth for exactly a week, and now I had it.”

“You never know,” I said.

Colin said that around the time he hit age 16, he decided — or his soul convinced him? — to hitchhike to Kerouac’s hometown of Lowell, Massachusetts, on a pilgrimage to the writer’s grave.

“But the city was just so depressing I never made it to the cemetery,” he said. “Instead, I keep going on to Vermont, to visit friends at Middlebury College. I lay around there for a few days, but I don’t remember the specifics of what happened. I think drugs and alcohol were involved.”

p.s. Later, I looked over my notes from Kerouac’s grave and realized he actually had died on October 21, five days before Colin was born. Which probably didn’t change what happened to his soul.

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QFT, Pollution

– Does it make you angry the way man has polluted this planet?

“What makes me angry is people planning to do things that will pollute the planet… I look at the planet and all you see is proof that we need to change.”

Neil Young, quoted in Jimmy McDonough’s biography Shakey (2002, page 341)

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